A very common scenario when it comes to PTSD: My boyfriend has PTSD and he has rejected me. One of the saddest victims of PTSD is the desire to be alone. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will push you away from time to time. He or she appears to be fine one day and withdrawn the next, which is really just a symptom of this disorder. It is painful to be rejected when you love someone. So how do you handle this request?

The most obvious answer is to let him have his space and trust that he can deal with the problem. But as women, that really goes against our nature. We want to get closer to someone we love when we know that they are suffering. We try to be comforting and supportive. This is instinctive for us. It feels like we’re “falling into work” as women to walk away and leave someone alone when they’re in emotional pain. After all, when we’re in emotional pain, the last thing we want is to be left alone. It feels so bad.

The truth is, if your boyfriend, husband, or partner with PTSD tells you that they need some time alone, not following through on that request will hurt you more than you think. This request is never made without him considering the risk that he might make you angry, suspicious, or even jealous. It’s easy to read those kinds of topics in these requests. Considering that PTSD is involved, don’t jump to those conclusions unless he has previously given you a reason to do so.

This disorder can become overwhelming very easily and quickly. Sometimes your boyfriend has to be alone to recharge his batteries. Sometimes he needs some time to solve all the crazy things that are going around his head. When stress builds up to a certain point, it is a normal coping mechanism to withdraw until the stress subsides. There are many possible explanations for this behavior. Men with PTSD are still men, and as we all know, they have to go back into their caves periodically to recharge.

The worst thing you can do is send him a constant stream of text messages letting him know that you love him, that you think about him, and that you hope he’s okay. That will actually increase his stress and make him go deeper into himself, which will push him further away. Give him the time he has requested.

The good news is that you can do things that will earn you girlfriend points while making him feel respected and cared for. The most important thing is to make you happy. Get busy with other activities. Go shopping, get your hair and nails done, or hang out with friends and family. That is why you need your own interests and your own support system. Remember that you also need your space and use this time to do your thing.

Another technique is to maintain a scheduled contact. When you get these kinds of requests for space, give him a big hug and a kiss, if he’ll let you. Tell him you understand and that you will call him at a specific time the next day. So, call him at that time. If he’s still pushing you away, tell him you’ll call him at another predetermined time. What you are doing is respecting his wishes, while letting him know that you won’t go too far. You will be in contact with him (whether he likes it or not) and if he is not ready to see you, you will give him more time.

Limit yourself to communicating once or twice a day when this symptom comes up. It will save you from constant worry and send the message that you support him enough to let him deal with his own demons.