Our sexuality depends, not only on our responsiveness, but also on our personality. Understanding sexuality involves differentiating between responsiveness and conscious behaviors. We have no control over the level of our sexual drive, the erotic stimuli that trigger our arousal, and the frequency with which we orgasm. Our responsiveness cannot be changed.

We use different behaviors according to our personality. Sexual behaviors are conscious but also instinctive to some degree. We consciously choose to engage in fantasy, masturbation, and erotic sex play with a lover. Some people see vision as a series of conquests. Some enjoy fantasy and masturbation. Others enjoy exploring sex play with a lover.

There are different motivations for our conscious sexual behaviors. Some behaviors are motivated by a person’s responsiveness. This is true for men. Men’s behaviors are the result of their sexual drive that focuses them on opportunities for penetrative sex. Others are motivated by the desire to please a lover. This is true for women. A woman has an instinctive urge to be desirable and sexually compliant in order to gain protection from a man.

Men expect a lover who will contribute enthusiastically to the couple’s intimate time: sharing fantasies, adventurous sex games, and affection. When it comes to men, sex is just one of life’s simple pleasures. Men are much more interested in the variations in the genitals and sexual attributes of a lover. They also enjoy experimenting with a variety of sexual approaches and techniques. None of these aspects of sexual activity are of any interest to women because women are not turned on by erotic stimuli in the real world.

Women enjoy enhancing their appearance and dressing provocatively to attract male admiration. Women can easily claim orgasm too. But when asked about sex, women’s behavior is incompatible with the enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Women refuse to respond, feel embarrassed, or even angry. When asked about orgasm, women provide minimal information. They are offended if you ask for more details. They suggest that anyone interested in such personal information must be a pervert. Even sex workers refer you to a textbook or someone else who is supposed to be an expert.

Women can admire an attractive man, but if he showed his erect penis, they would run a mile. Women do not want to have sex, but will provide it to please a lover. Women are not necessarily fully aware of the effect their provocative behavior has on a man because women have no sex drive. Men do not use the teasing behaviors that women use because they actively seek to initiate and participate in sexual opportunities.

If a woman behaves in a sexually provocative way, a man concludes that he is asking for it. He believes that she has taken deliberate steps to arouse him sexually. He assumes that she knowingly engages in this behavior to attract him and that she is happy with the consequences of her actions. If women wanted to have sex like men do, they could also engage in prostitution and earn money. Men cannot do this because there is no demand from women. The demand for male prostitutes comes from men. There are some women who get personal satisfaction from meeting men’s sexual needs. But like any job, prostitutes ultimately only offer sex for money.

Men almost always see a sexual opportunity as a positive situation. So how can women enjoy sex as much as men if they also try to avoid having sex? Often times, there are different women involved in these two scenarios. Generally, women who suggest they are sexually willing are not necessarily available. Other women pay the bill for this theoretical kindness. This is another reason why few women comment on sex.

A woman uses intercourse to keep a man devoted to her. This female behavior along with male responsiveness are crucial for human reproduction. Men have always assumed that women should enjoy intercourse as an erotic pleasure. This male fantasy allows women to provide false evidence of the responsiveness that is so important to men.

Women like a man because of his experience. Women value the security it can provide. Men prefer girls for their inexperience. Women enhance their attractiveness by accentuating their vulnerability and docility (precarious shoes, long hair, and big baby eyes). A man assumes that shy women will be more easily convinced to accept his sexual advances.

The physical presence of a woman indicates a potential sexual opportunity. Men are initially attracted to looks, but their focus is on having sex. Some women are sexually provocative as a means of gaining male approval, as well as gifts and financial support. Some women can stimulate a man’s penis manually or orally, not because they find it exciting, but because men admire sexually adventurous women. Over time, women tire of providing male pleasure even through intercourse. Women are exasperated by the seemingly insatiable sexual needs of men.

The problem I have heard the most about over the years … is the problem of unequal desire … which is the problem of sex-hungry men and reluctant women … (Bettina Arndt 2009)