Have you ever paid attention to the conversation that takes place in your head when you are awake? If you’ve been listening closely, I’m sure you’ve heard some not-so-nice things that your thoughts wanted you to believe about yourself.

Stop talking!

Unfortunately, our thoughts are not like well-behaved children who stop talking when asked. Our thoughts are more like a rebellious child, who will do the opposite. The thoughts are like a continuous comment, making fun of us, punishing us, encouraging us, judging others and ourselves, etc. The nonstop chat basically doesn’t stop until you fall asleep. That’s when your subconscious mind begins to process everything that has happened through our dreams, whether we remember them or not.

Listen

Begin to pay attention to what is being shared by the voice in your mind. You may even want to take note. You will find statements repeated over and over again, day after day. Look at the comments you want to change, bring awareness and acceptance to what is your first step in the change process.

reframe

Once you’ve noticed some internal dialogue you want to change, ask yourself: If someone you love, say your 6-year-old niece, heard those words from your mouth, how would they feel? She would probably start crying or she would get really mad at you. You may even feel uncomfortable (hopefully) with those who say words to you. This is a good start. Then ask yourself: What would you say to her in her place? Keep these words in mind, as they are your reframing for your negative self-talk.

What would you say instead?

One of my clients found this approach extremely valuable. She regularly called herself a ‘foolish girl’ when she made the simplest mistake. Loving her niece and knowing that she would hurt her, she changed her words to ‘come on, it’s okay’. Every human being has moments of not being present. It’s okay, it just makes us more mindful next time’ or ‘now let’s be kind to ourselves’. I’ve seen you do a lot of things that you’re very good at and you’re very careful with them.

Implementing Reframing

Take time on a break from work to write down any negative self-talk, come up with a proper reframe, say it out loud the next time you make a mistake. Notice how different it feels. How would your niece feel now?

To change the habit of negative self-talk, you need to practice positive self-talk. The only real power you have is the power over your thoughts.