Do you know the phrase “People with depression just feel sorry for themselves”?

Not only is the statement false, it can be a cruel thing to say!

Making a blanket statement about anyone with any type of condition is never a good idea! Statements like that are usually born out of misunderstandings and / or misinformation. It’s really unfortunate, because if someone is depressed and people around them look down on them for their condition, the slights can make their experience worse.

In my own experience of being depressed, beginning in childhood and continuing through 38 years into adulthood, when family or friends looked down on me or made fun of my condition, I felt hurtful and cruel. I felt that people who said things like that did not care about me as a loved one (family or friend). Over time, the continual hurtful comments created distance in my relationships with them, and I eventually refrained from interacting with them. It was my way of protecting and shielding myself, just eliminating being judgmental and ridiculous.

Depression is a real condition

While doctors and therapists may not know the exact source (s) of depression, there are two general causes for the experience of depression, physical or non-physical (emotional and / or mental ). In any case, someone with depression will need to DO and CHANGE something about their situation to improve and / or alleviate the depression. And getting rid of depression usually takes a little time, so for the people in their lives, learning how to deal with the depression in their loved ones can be extremely helpful on the road to creating a life filled with happiness.

Listening is key

The good news is that there are many ways to relate to someone with depression without feeling overwhelmed by their sadness, which means you don’t have to be depressed as well to be able to relate to them. What a person with depression really needs is the kind, loving, and non-judgmental support of people they trust. Sometimes all you need to do is just listen to them without giving them any comments except encouragement and kindness.

However, if someone with depression opens up and starts talking to you about their problems, but you are not comfortable with the details they are sharing, then you can offer yourself sweetly and gently to help them find a trained therapist or professional who knows how. . To help them better than you do, let them know that you feel uncomfortable, with kindness and gentleness, without harsh or ridiculous comments to turn them away. Let them know that you want the best for them and help them get what they need and not be afraid to seek the right help.

What can you do?

To support someone in your life with depression, you can start by developing a kind and objective perspective on their situation. Remember that someone with depression is really a very strong individual who has lived whatever it is that has led him to become depressed, and because of that (even if he does not understand it), he already has all the tools he needs within himself to solve the problem . depression. They don’t need someone to ‘fix’ them, they just need to CHANGE their health and / or the way they think that has caused their depression.

Healing in the presence of love

What someone with depression often wants from others is to feel connected to people they love who won’t hurt them like they have in the past (isn’t everyone?). And above all, they want to stop suffering, but they don’t know how, that is why they are trapped in their depression. They don’t know what they don’t know!

By learning to relate to someone with depression, your relationship with them can remain intact without drifting away and even help them recover.

The following lists are things not to say to people with depression and statements of support that can be encouraging to someone with depression.

14 things not to say to people with depression

(Yes, the people I loved actually said these things to me!)

• You just feel sorry for yourself.

• It is just a phase that you are going through.

• Your depression will go away on its own.

• Stay away from me, depression is contagious.

• Are you crazy.

• You will never be happy.

• You are a loser.

• What is your problem !?

• You have problems.

• You have no friends, no one wants to be near you.

• If you are depressed, you are weak.

• Only women get depressed.

• There is something wrong with you.

• You are useless, lazy and a hindrance to be with you.

You get the idea … if it hurts, don’t think about it, and don’t say it!

Statements of support and encouragement for someone with depression

• I’m here if you need someone to talk to and I’ll just listen.

• I can’t fix your situation or your past, but I’m here to listen if you need to talk.

• How can I support you? (be prepared to clarify how you seem to support them, or offer to recommend them and help them find the right person who can)

• I am not comfortable hearing the details of your situation, but perhaps you would like to consider finding a professional to speak to. I’d be happy to help you find someone you can trust.

• No matter what happened to you in the past, the person I know, who you are now, is an amazing and wonderful person. I am so happy to meet you and have you in my life.

• You are incredibly strong and brave because of what you went through. I encourage you to learn to put your past in its place and move on with the amazing life that I know you can create, because you are so wonderful, I just know that you can do what you set out to do in your heart.

• Remind them that they are the only person who can change their lives and that when they are ready, you will be willing to support them to the best of your ability.

• Keep choosing lifestyles that strengthen you, not weaken you. You deserve it!

• Depression can be temporary if you want, just keep moving on the path of Love!