You’ve heard the same advice over and over since the breakup. You are supposed to ignore your ex boyfriend if you want to get him back. At first glance it makes no sense at all. How can ignoring a man make him decide that he wants you back? The opposite seems much more likely, doesn’t it? Inwardly, you feel like right now would be the perfect time to pick up the phone and call your ex boyfriend and suggest that they try to work things out. But everyone is yelling at you not to do that. You are confused, you feel hopeless and you worry that you are going to make a mistake that will cost you the man you love. Before you do anything, you need a short and concise lesson in male psychology. There is a very good reason why you should pay attention to those who tell you to forget your ex boyfriend’s phone number, address, and place of work.

Right now you are not in control of your failed relationship

After a breakup, the individual pursuing their former partner is not in control of the future of the relationship. As women, we often wish we could live our lives in the pages of a romance novel. We imagine that moment when our ex-boyfriend picks up the phone to tell us that he can’t live another day without us. The problem is that, in reality, that is not likely to happen if he is chasing you non-stop. Your actions really do speak louder than your words on this stage and your actions are screaming a message that loudly declares, “I’m desperate and I don’t care who knows.”

He is in full control of what happens next. If he chooses to ignore you, he instinctively knows that you are going to step up your efforts and go after him even more. Basically, you’re telling him that the more he ignores you, the harder you’ll try. His life revolves around him and that feeds his ego. Most men in this position don’t rush to give their ex girlfriend the time of day because they want to see how far she will go in an effort to win him back.

You must change the dynamics of the relationship so that you are the one in control of the future. The best way to do this is to change your own behavior. In fact, you’ll be surprised how quickly he’ll decide he loves you when he suddenly thinks you don’t love him anymore.

Ignoring your ex boyfriend involves more than not responding to his text messages

One mistake many women make when changing the relationship before they start no contact with their ex-boyfriend is telling him of their intentions in such a way that he realizes it’s little more than a game. If you announce to your ex boyfriend that you are no longer talking to him and you do it while you are too emotional, he will see it as a ploy to win him back. His competitive spirit will go into overdrive and go his own way to ignore you. Before you know it, weeks or months will have passed and you will both be too stubborn to communicate and connect with each other.

You’re much better off letting yourself fall off the face of the earth. The best advice you can follow is to decide at one point (now is good) that you are not going to talk or try to get back together with your ex boyfriend for at least a month. Don’t let anyone know you’re doing this, as mutual friends love to gossip and your ex boyfriend will realize once again that you’re using no contact as a tool to remind him how much he needs you.

Over the next month, do your best to shift your focus to something positive and nurturing. It’s very tempting to sit back and wallow in memories of when the two of you were together, but that won’t accomplish anything productive for you. This should be a month where you rediscover who you are, as a woman, and get in touch with what you want from life.

Redefine what your life goals are as you distance yourself from your ex

A couple of pleasant surprises await you when you begin the journey of ignoring your ex boyfriend. First of all, you will be surprised how he responds. Usually, a man will want a woman who doesn’t want him anymore. Once her ex-boyfriend realizes that he has stopped her endless search to win back her love and devotion, he sets out to win her heart back. It’s amazing how that works. Men are known for wanting things in life that are beyond their reach. When one of those things becomes an ex-girlfriend, a man will put her charm into overdrive in an effort to win her back. Basically, if you take away from him the knowledge that you love him, he will start to question who you love. Once that happens, he’ll come running back to you with all his might, trying to get you to explain what’s changed.

The other, more welcome, benefit of ignoring your ex boyfriend is that you can finally decide, in an emotionally ordered way, if getting back together is really something you want or need. Things look and feel very different a month after the breakup. Your emotions are settled, your future is less defined and you are open to a whole range of possibilities.

Giving yourself a chance to take a break from your ex boyfriend is one of the best gifts you can receive. You will finally be able to decide what is best for you and if meeting him is really the best way to make all your romantic dreams come true.