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My wife thinks I’m immature! What steps can help change this

Your wife tells you that you are immature. Maybe you agree with her, or maybe you think she is out of place. Regardless of her stance on the issue, she is clear on hers. It is painful to know that the woman you have chosen to spend your life with sees you as nothing more than a child in men’s clothing. Her comments hurt, her attitude overshadows all the great things you do, and you’re getting tired of trying to please her when you really think you’re fine exactly the way you are, right?

There is a very specific dynamic that dominates a marriage when the wife views her husband as immature. She will tend to take charge of everything from making important decisions to parenting. Over time, a man in a relationship like this will begin to feel that his input and contributions are not welcome or accepted. Once a marriage encounters this roadblock, it can be difficult to get back on a path of love and mutual respect.

Talk to your wife about your concerns

Before you can work to change the way your wife views you, you must get to the root of why she has the opinion of you that you do. In some marriages, it is obvious that the husband refuses to assume the necessary responsibility that a married couple should assume. This may manifest itself in a man who has yet to choose a career despite having been out of college for a decade, or it may be a man who insists on splurging on things his partner cannot afford.

If you’re not sure why your wife continually sees you as immature, ask her. You must be prepared to hear some difficult things about yourself. In fact, when you ask your wife how she views her behavior, this can open the floodgates and she will pour out all the criticism she has of you.

See this as a step in a positive direction. Try not to get defensive. Instead, embrace it as a tool for change and a means to a closer and more nurturing marriage.

Do things in your marriage that command respect

If someone sees you as immature, it may be a sign that they simply have little or no respect for you. In the case of a married couple, this can be due to various circumstances, but it is usually something that can be rectified.

Commanding respect can seem like a sinister task, particularly for a man who wants his wife to show him more respect. But often it is your own view of yourself that others will follow. For example, if you don’t take care of yourself physically or emotionally, your wife may begin to believe that you don’t value yourself. In turn, she will also start to devalue him, which can cause her to see you as someone who is not on the same level as her.

Working to improve yourself is an easy way to get more respect from your wife. Take stock of where your life is compared to where you want it to be right now. Perhaps you thought you would be running your own company at the age of thirty, or perhaps you envisioned yourself as a successful investor when you turned forty. Whatever your goals in life may have been, now is the time to redefine them and start making them come true.

When a person invests more energy, care and time in himself, others follow suit. That is why you need to start trying harder to become the man you know you are capable of. You can show your wife, through dedicated actions, that you are not the immature child she thinks you are marrying. Instead, start showing him that you are indeed a mature, focused man who now sees the potential within himself.

Don’t try to hurt your wife in retaliation for her criticism

When a person we love hurts us verbally, there is a very strong temptation to throw something equally hurtful in their direction. You may have already done it with your wife when she referred to you as immature. If so, make sure this is the last time it happens.

If you fall on the same level as your wife and throw hurtful words at her, you are showing her that you are the definition of immature. In fact, he is proving his own point to you. Children like to engage in hurtful jokes that often result in one person feeling so upset that the relationship will never be the same again. It is much worse when married adults engage in this destructive behavior.

The next time your wife tells you that she thinks you are immature, you should respond in a very specific way. Look her directly in the eye and say calmly, “You have a right to your opinion, but I don’t agree.” Then finish the conversation by leaving the room or saying goodbye if it’s on the phone. Don’t compromise it for a moment longer because if you do, you will be tempted to say things that will aggravate the situation until you both feel hurt.

If you repeatedly handle the situation with this kind of dignity and grace, your wife will soon find that your words are hollow. You will show him that you are really mature, calm and reasonable.

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