I’m not just old, I’m old-fashioned. I remember the days when women cooked and did so without all the useful gadgets that are so common today.
So whether you like it or not, here’s an old man’s take on kitchen appliances.
Growing up, I had never heard of a microwave, thank goodness. She still doesn’t understand how it works. I do wonder what it is doing to my food though. Have you ever accidentally left a piece of metal in one? Have. Someone brought me a Hardees sandwich one day when he was working. I put him in the microwave without giving much thought to the shiny paper he was wrapped in. Next thing you know, I see fire in the microwave and a smell that could kill mice. Why does that happen anyway?
Regardless of whether the microwave oven is a communist plot, I’ll go out on a limb and say: it has ruined women’s ability to cook! I shouldn’t even say cooking anymore, as we have entered the age of warming. “What’s for dinner mom?” “Oh, I have your favorite dinner tonight, Johnny, the hungry man in the microwave!”
Go to the supermarket, what do you see? A bunch of unsanitary garbage stuffed into boxes that say “Microwave Ready.” I don’t know why anyone has a stove anymore. I guess he came with the house.
And what about all the other stuff. Food processor? God forbid we have to use a knife and cut something. Bread machine? No comment. How about those new pasta makers? The Godfather stirs in his grave.
I can’t think of a reason to buy any appliance except a toaster. Now, that’s one you can sink your teeth into (no pun intended). Perform a service you can’t do yourself unless you’re Johnny from the Fantastic Four. Just don’t stick your fork in it.
Ladies and I suppose also men since we are in the age of liberation. Give up all kitchen appliances before it’s too late. Learn to use your hands and create your own masterpieces like our mothers and grandmothers did. Teach your daughter and (sigh) son to cook too, as it will serve them well in the future. It will also give them an ability to pass on to their own children after you have stopped eating microwaved processed foods.
In other words, “get rid of all kitchen appliances except the toaster”!
